Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Damn victory sex feels great
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
