Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
