Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
false alarm, still single
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
