at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
