And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
