I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
