That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
