At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
