i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
