Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
