im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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