do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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