If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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