I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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