i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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