are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
