IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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