I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
