She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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