a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
