U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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