whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
