dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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