I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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