My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
