I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
