On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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