woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
