I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You can't special order awesome
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
