do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
