worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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