paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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