So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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