hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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