Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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