I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
