someone threw a dead crab at me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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