Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
