dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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