Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
