my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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