Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
