U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
