just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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