if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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