I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
