my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
