I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
