Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
