Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
