i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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