Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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