So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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