oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize