you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So squirting runs in the family.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
