my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
