you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
