why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
