if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
