so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
