This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
