dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
smell my finger.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
