So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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