i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I need moral support for this bender
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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