Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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