I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
