Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
