my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My vagina just clenched in fear
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
