I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
