he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
